It’s not that I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s that I really really don’t want one.

Valentine’s Day used to be all about who had the coolest valentines with the best candy, and we all know damn well that if your valentine came with a tattoo, you were the shit. But now, being as old and as complicated as we are, we redefined the holiday. Valentine’s Day, for some people, is about getting all romantic with their partner. For others, its about insane amounts of chocolate, chick flicks, crying, and bitterness about not being in the first group. But for some, it’s just another average day. I belong to the last group, and I’ve been meaning to explain why for a while.

It’s not that I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s that I really really don’t want one. Weird huh? But I’m totally serious. I really, really, REALLY don’t want a boyfriend for 3 reasons.

1. First of all, I don’t have time for one.I have way too many goals set that I put my everything into reaching. Call me pretentious, I can’t afford to waste time on a relationship that may or may not last (and it’s more than likely the latter), especially with the *cough* huge *cough* selection of eligible bachelors at my age. If I use my efforts on a temporary euphoria instead of on reaching my academic, career, and social goals, I will not be able to live with myself. I will never be happy because if I don’t reach the goals I have set for myself, I will have to settle. And settling is something I absolutely refuse to do when it comes to my future.

2. Secondly, with the little time I do have left, I prefer to use it on friendships that I do believe will last. You know, the kind of friendships that are comparable to, and sometimes even closer than, the bonds you share with your family. It’s so important to make friendships that are deeper than smoking, drinking, and going out. I want to make friends I can go to breakfast with, friends I can cry with, friends that will help me grow. The time I reserve to share with others I want to make sure has lasting benefits. So that when it comes to sacrificing my time or efforts for them, I’ll know it will be worth it, because I will know that these people I invest myself in will be there for me when I need them most.

3. And finally, I want a lot out of a relationship. I have standards for the kind of man I want. I want a man who is passionate about who he is and who he wants to be. I want a man who prefers to take the more difficult road because it reaps the greatest benefits. I need a man who will not only support me to reach my current goals, but will inspire me to set even higher ones. I want my man to be there for me physically, intellectually, and emotionally, nearly all the time. I want him to be my best friend, my rock, my lover. And I want to be his everything too. I want to be the one that pushes him to reach his full potential, I want to be the one that can give him everything he can’t give himself. I want to be his everything.

But you see, that’s a problem. Because it’s not fair that I demand that out of someone when I, myself, cannot promise the same.

And the reason is this: the only way I can have this kind of relationship is if I give up one of the two reasons above. Either I compromise my relationship with my current and potential best friends, or I compromise the plans I have for myself, and neither is acceptable. I can’t be there for my guy the way I want to because I can’t let myself choose one of the above. Because a relationship can wait until after I have satisfied one of my other 2 priorities, I will wait to pursue it after I have reached my personal goals. That way, I will have the flexibility in my life to include another person’s. But until then, I need to be selfish with my time and efforts in order to get myself where I need to be.

So this Valentine’s Day, if you are in the group with a relationship, enjoy it, and cherish them with endless love. If you are in the second group, put down the tissues, and release the bitterness. Spend your Valentine’s Day doing things that show you how much you love yourself, or spend it with friends and family that may feel distant from the love you know you possess. You do you, girl. You LOVE you, girl.

Stay Fierce,


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