78 Lessons That College Actually Taught Us

College taught me…

  1. “how to drink a lot of beer”
  2. “being a girl is financially unfair”
  3. “Everclear is not a friend…”
  4. “how to NOT deal with stress”
  5. “time to myself is time well spent”
  6. “how to puke everywhere but a garbage can”
  7. “drinking tickets are extremely expensive”
  8. “cheating is completely acceptable”
  9. “you can bring a flask to any occasion”
  10. “it’s only a drug if its heroin”
  11. “Iowa State is soft”
  12. “how to mummify a toilet in 3.2 seconds”
  13. “how many naps I can take in a day”
  14. “going to bed at 3 am is totally normal”
  15. “that you are not considered an alcoholic until after you graduate”
  16. “cops suck”
  17. “fuck those imposters”
  18. “it is possible to get drunk and high all weekend and still ace a test”
  19. “always have a babysitter when you’re drunk or else you’ll end up with some creep shoving his tongue down your throat”
  20. “getting drunk can also mean losing your driver’s license, student ID, room key, or phone–or all of the above”
  21. “that high school was a joke”
  22. “cigarettes are waaaaaaay more common than I thought”
  23. “stop being so plush, sometimes you need to be a bitch”
  24. “go a little wild”
  25. “anyone can join a frat”
  26. “once you go black you never go back”
  27. “campus bike cops are bitch made”
  28. “it’s acceptable to come to class dressed in just about anything”
  29. “not to be suite mates with two girls from China”
  30. “the perfect roommate you met on Facebook is actually a psycho and will drop out of school before 2014 comes”
  31. “don’t bunk with a roommate that has sex with her boyfriend while they think you’re asleep”
  32. “lock your shit up if you have ratchet roommates”
  33. “to keep your friends close, but not close enough to be your roommates”
  34. “to be a productive procrastinator”
  35. “processes which, if being used correctly, can be used to extend whatever message one is making an effort to get across by rephrasing sentences to the point where they lose almost all readibility, while still giving the illusion that something of value is actually being said, all while filling up the pages of this 5-page bullshit essay”
  36. “in order to get everything done and still have fun, sleep deprivation is sometimes necessary”
  37. “C’s get degrees”
  38. “that tea is my best friend”
  39. “to use discount blunts”
  40. “how to manage time in the real world”
  41. “to flirt with the smart kids so they’ll help you whenever you need them to”
  42. “netflix/movies get your mind off of anything and everything”
  43. “dress well, test well”
  44. “don’t be boring”
  45. “adderall gets shit done”
  46. “money goes faster than you think”
  47. “Greek letters”
  48. “there’s just a lot of dumb people in the world”
  49. “find out what you like and what you don’t”
  50. “how to not pay for food”
  51. “naps are glorious”
  52. “you should always have ice cream in your freezer”
  53. “cheap alcohol still gets the job done”
  54. “how to avoid people you saw last night when you’re getting breakfast in the morning”
  55. “try new things”
  56. “that no matter how busy you are, you make time for the people and things you care about”
  57. “take advantage of opportunities and chances”
  58. “get your shit done”
  59. “enjoy the people around you”
  60. “to open up more”
  61. “how to be gay”
  62. “I don’t wanna grow up”
  63. “how to be ok with eating alone in public”
  64. “if you create an illusion of following the rules and being successful, you thus become who you are pretending”
  65. “what having true best friends is like”
  66. “balance”
  67. “that perseverance will always be rewarded”
  68. “that it feels good to rub and polish our brain against that of others”
  69. “you don’t have to like someone to love someone”
  70. “to always do me”
  71. “that nothing is forever and you have to take advantage of the moments if you wish to be successful, have fun, or create change”
  72. “that I hate the system”
  73. “to ask how, and more importantly–why?”
  74. “that my parents are absolutely incredible and that I’m blessed to have two wonderful people to miss me so much while I’m away”
  75. “that when you’re surrounded by so many people who have absolutely no idea who you are, it’s easy to forget yourself. The key is to find those amazing people who enhance the good qualities you possess”
  76. “to be aware of who you are, where you are, and your influence”
  77. “the true effect of ignorance on human intellect”
  78. “that being in college doesn’t always equate to being intelligent”


Thank you to everyone who contributed! Especially the Carmel Catholic class of 2013. Y’all the shittttttttttt.


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