Wherefore art thou bae?

I have this running argument with one of my good friends about how fucking awesome Khloé Kardashian is, and during our conversation, I called her bae. He completely disagreed, and we got into another argument about baes in general. It got me wondering how everyone else defines bae. Is there an actual definition for bae? What are the prerequisites for a bae? What EXACTLY constitutes a bae? These are the questions that haunt me.

So I asked everyone.

“What does bae mean to you?”


“a sexy ass chick” -swollest white guy you’ll ever meet

“before anyone else…they gotta be pretty damn special” -an Oreo

“bacon and eggs” -Vine addict

“a black person’s boo” -white, but fierce Chi O

“anyone I find attractive” -Latina Spice

“you” -slick black guy in the elevator

“fuck buddy, or babe, idk I’m not black” -a brunette gone blonde

“my boyfriend, because he’s my boyfriend” -a sarcastic dancer

“my one and only lover” -an egyptian meathead

“affectionate encounter” -a mother who decided to go back to school

“it’s what I say instead of, like, homie” -a 19 year old cat lady

“I call my boyfriend bae so I don’t sound like my mother.” -a hipster photographer

“I don’t have baes” -a brown girl from Ohio

“I HAVE NO IDEA LEAVE ME ALONE” -white girls in my group chats

“the nigga whose side bitch I am” -a ghetto Persian

“Dagne” -Seth next door

“a person who gives me food” -a Naruto fan

*muffled confusion* “Uh, a boo thang” “a secret crush” -Wilkins 8 soccer girls

“I don’t like when people say it. It freaks me out.” -a Christian from Indiana

“a thot I have feelings for” -a roaming football player

“someone that touches your butt and makes inappropriate comments” -a bisexual Britney Spears fan

“not officially your boo, but someone more than you’re talking to” -my sassy RA

“a hillbillie’s honey boo” -white stoner couple

“what every girl strives to be” -stoner couple’s friend

“it’s like a beach” -white sex god down the hall

“someone who buys me things” -skinny girl on floor 10

“ratchet sidepiece” -the whitest Mexican on earth

“something basics say” -only Olga I have ever known

“my main” -party in 810

“it’s like a word that soft, big-hearted, african-americans use” -a Greek god

“Isn’t that like a body of water? I don’t know, Myrna, go do something productive.” -Mother

So there you have it. Das bae.


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